Wanted

A lot can happen in a relatively small amount of time. What happened in the amount of time between now and my last blog mainly revolves around a new guy. A new guy who yet again 'just wants to be friends'.

Before I start going into any detail about this new guy, I would like to give you a quick rundown of what happened with Up My Street Guy. Basically, we finally got around to doing everything between the sheets. It was pretty nice. Not amazing, but nice none the less. He spent one night at mine and we went for breakfast in the morning. I think the whole thing was pretty sweet. A couple of days later we went to the cinema and this is where things get weird.

When we got to buying drinks, etc he suggested sharing a drink between us. I went along with it. In the cinema, he had placed the drink in the cup holder between us. By the time the trailers had finished, we'd brushed hands a few times and as the film began he moved the drink out of the cup holder, in order to make it easier to hold hands. We held hands throughout the entire movie. It was really nice and it was totally mutual.

So when we got in his car and I moved in to kiss him, in no way did i expect what happened next. He said "I think you're feeling a bit different to me." I jokingly replied with "What? Horny?" and he followed with "No, about us.". The car ride home seemed like an eternity. Very little was said but what was said was pretty much how he wanted to just be friends.

It took me overnight to process this whole thing. The thing I couldn't get my head around was the holding hands. He'd spent the whole movie holding my hand and he'd suggested it. We shared a drink, something else most mates don't do at the cinema. The dumping in the car after just seemed such a contrast and because I didn't see it coming, it hurt.

I talk about this stuff with the ladies at work. One of them, who has had many gay colleagues said that she just couldn't understand gay dating. She said that it seems like we put each other through such pain and it all seems so unnecessary. She also said that gay guys are constantly looking for the next best thing. It's true, we live in an ecosystem where vanity is king and it's horrible. Especially as for the most part, what we look like comes down to luck. Anyway, I picked myself up from this and met another guy a few days later.

The new guy, we'll call Northern Guy was a guy I'd started chatting to online, who invited me over to his 'just to sleep', the same night we started chatting. That didn't happen. We had amazing, passionate sex. I think it was one of the best sexual experiences I've had in a long time. We agreed that we should try a date or two. Those dates seemed to go pretty damn well, including actually just sleeping with him. One weekend we spent most of together, I personally really enjoyed spending time with him. So getting dumped by text on the following Friday was again unexpected.

I've really cut this down and I may go into more detail another night, but I'm feeling pretty tired right now.

The thing is, I just don't understand. Things were going really well. Why do I keep getting the same response? What is wrong with me? I genuinely thought that this guy actually wanted me so why doesn't he all of a sudden?

He's just not that into you.

You get the drift, right?

I can't be bothered to type the whole thing out right now, but I needed to share my frustration.

I'm going to bed. I hate Oxford.
Goodnight.

Ready for the Weekend

There are many things that I simply don't like here in Oxford. Up My Street Guy certainly isn't one of them, unless he's taking ages (hours) to reply to my texts!

So last time I mentioned that I was going on a date with a seemingly perfect guy. He's certainly not perfect, but he's also pretty damn nice. We met on Thursday in the Jericho Tavern, a rather nice pub. We chatted about anything and everything and generally just got on great. I remember thinking to myself just how great things felt in fact. 3 hours and several pints of cider later we both left, a little tipsy. On the walk back home we passed the Oxford University Press building. It's quite pretty and I noted how strange it was to be stood outside a place printed on so many textbooks I'd previously encountered. I kissed him there and then and he kissed me back.

We carried on walking home. Well, walking all the time we weren't pausing to kiss some more. When we got to the end of his road, we stopped and kissed repeatedly. The kissing was really great. Definitely sparking, in fact so much more than I have sparked with anyone for a long time. We both got pretty excited and there was some exploration going on, just strictly through our jeans. We agreed it was best to wait before going any further and I'm really glad we did. That made the following night all the more fun!

We both got home, texts were fired both ways, horniness was mentioned lots of times, along with some regret about our mutual loneliness in bed. We agreed to make up for it the following day and that's exactly what we did. First we went to another pub, also very nice. However, after one drink we headed for his. I'm not going to go into it too much, but we didn't fuck. We did plenty of other things and it was just a really nice night. We laid together for ages after in all sorts of positions, entwined in each other. It was bliss. I ended up staying the night and in the morning we woke up still entwined. It was so lovely, I could have spent all day there with him. I had to leave relatively early though as I had to be back in Kent for a consultation about having no nose 'adjusted'.

I was supposed to see him Sunday evening, but I got food poisoning Saturday night and so ended up not returning to Oxford until late Monday morning. Work was pissed, but I was more pissed, I missed out on spending Sunday night cuddled up with Up My Street Guy! Anyway, I went into work on Monday afternoon and they promptly sent me home. By the evening I was feeling better and headed over to Up My Street Guy's place. I was still a bit tender and he was so good with me, we just spent the evening cuddled up on the sofa watching Lucky Number Slevin. We then made out in his room for I guess an hour and then I went home. We both had work the following day and well, we didn't want to risk doing something that might make me sick!

So that's the last time I saw him, Monday. It's Wednesday now and I want to see him SO badly! I'm no good at the chilled thing. A few texts and calls have been swapped, but they seem to be initiated by me. Anyway, I know he is really busy and he said that he is free Friday and the weekend and that we can spend time together then. I know I'm eager, but I just wish I could see him now. I'm bored! I know so few people here and I don't even have a TV. So I guess more than anything I'm craving the company, in fact it's not even that, I'm craving something to do. That's probably the reason I'm not loving Oxford.

Work isn't so great either. I'm just not that motivated at the moment. I think part of that could be the sickness at the weekend. I'm still recovering. Anyway, I plan to be more motivated tomorrow. I also need to try and create a new social circle, not including work people either. I really need to get out more, but it's just so tricky when everything is new.

As things stand, I text Up My Street Guy about 2 hours ago. I got a reply an hour later and replied. No reply yet. I guess he can play it a lot cooler than I can.

Things will be alright, I know, but right now I feel bored and alone and wish I had anyone to do anything with.

Surrogates

Well, things have certainly changed a lot lately. I've found somewhere to live. Have developed a love/hate relationship with my job and had way too much sex with randoms. Want to hear all about it?

Well, my place is pretty cool, although perhaps not as stylish as I would like. I'm on the top floor of a house on one of the main roads into Oxford. It takes a few minutes to walk to work everyday. It's an attic room, so there's not much headroom to be had, but I so have a small and very dated en-suite! I have set up a mini-kitchen as the one downstairs is a little grim. It could be really nice once I have a few more things sorted out, some beanbag seats or something.

Madison guy and I chat on facebook from time to time. He sorted his college issues out and may be coming to study here next year. We shall see. I would like to be in a better place mentally next time he comes. In fact, I think I'd like to be different altogether next time I see him. Anyway, there are plenty of boys here for me to play with and that is exactly what I've been doing. Too much I think! Having a different guy every night isn't healthy clearly.

So, where do I start?

Cute Italian guy? Hot Middle-eastern guy? Well, I did meet those and they were great fun, will possibly meet them both again, but really the one guy I'd really like to see again, well, is the most inconvenient. Farmer Guy as he will be called lives in Cheltenham, is really really hot, dark hair, tall, slim, very cute, nicely hung and has a great personality. The flaw is of course he lives an hour away. The really big flaw he's he is ironically moving to Canterbury, yes Canterbury, as in Kent, where I have just moved from. Damn, damn, damn! So, I'm hoping we will hang out again, because he's just damn lovely. Also, we seemed to be very compatible, the kissing was so good! At times it was tingly fireworky magic-ness, lol. Lot's of touching! Hmm, actually, i want to tell you more, because the whole evening was hot!

I met him halfway to Cheltenham. We met at a pub and had 2 cokes, lame, but we were both driving. We then went out for a drive in my car and struggled to find somewhere quiet enough to play. Eventually we found somewhere. He practically jumped on me the minute we stopped and kissed me. Nice. Very nice indeed. We made out for a while, hands wandered down like they do. Before we knew it, we were jerking each other off. I wanted him so badly! We took turns giving head and then I made a suggestion. I thought it would be easier to go back to mine. Off we went.

Well, on the way home, we kinda kept our jeans pulled down... he jerked me off for the whole time we drove back, sucking me off at times too. It was totally hot. I jerked him off too, at one point he even started to change gears for me, it was kinda cute and I got a kick out of it. When we got back, we zipped up and ran inside the house. I stood there and he pounced again. Really passionately kissing me. It was seriously good. We got naked pretty much straight away and jumped on the bed. We just kissed for a while then we started to 69, it seemed like we were going to do it all night long, as we both seemed to be enjoying it so much. Loads more kissing followed, including lots of hugging and rolling around together and eventually came rimming. I rimmed him for ages. He seemed to really enjoy it. Eventually, things got more serious. I tried fucking him, for a while it seemed to be working, but I think he was just too tight. I only had condoms as I'd packed my lube into my manbag and in the rush to get in the house, left my bag in the car. We gave up, he rimmed me and then fucked me. It's been a while since I've been fucked, so that didn't work much either. Again, we gave up. There was some more sucking, then we settled for jerking off together, kissing as we did it. Such a mess followed, but it was nice :P

After the clean up I drove him back to the pub to get his car, we chatted all the way and kissed a lot before he got out to go home. Seriously nice, again. I drove home and when I got back all I could think about was how nice it would have been to have been able to cuddle up and fall asleep with him. Well, hopefully more will happen with this guy, I will keep you guys updated.

So, other than meeting loads of guys, I mean there are a couple more I didn't mention, all I have done is work really. It's frustrating, really frustrating. I'm doing a job that is significant, but getting pretty much minimum wage for it. I can't be doing this much longer. I also hate how no one works as a team at the moment. All the departments seem to fight all the time and it takes so long to get my job done, because everyone wants things done their way. I haven't got time for this sort of thing. I have too much work to do.

Right, I know this post isn't that well written, but I'm now really tired (14 hours at work today) and want to go to sleep. I will try to blog more, i need to let off some steam about work this week! I have a date on Thursday, with a guy who seems perfect, so no doubt there will be blogging going on after that. He lives really close, so he can be Up My Street Guy :P

An American Guy in Paris: Part Deux

I've been putting off telling you the rest of what happened because in many ways now, the trip has been confined to history. However, I need to do it at some point so here is the rest of what happened in Paris.

Waking up the following morning I felt more awful than ever. I remember being very quiet for a good few hours. Madison guy seemed to feel that we had reached some sort of conclusion in our chats the night before. I didn't. We went down to the patisserie that we had been going to for breakfast the last couple of days and got our usual order of a pain au chocolat and coffee and went and sat on the Pont Neuf to consume it. He mentioned that I was being very quiet and I pretty much shrugged it off.

Eventually, we got on with our day and over time I lightened up. That night we went to the Eiffel Tower. We took loads of photos and had a pretty good time. There was a definite good feeling between us. We were circling the tower taking photos of the city at night. We got to the north east corner and I remember looking at him and smiling. He kissed me, I kissed him back and it was really nice. I remember walking around the tower so desperately wanting him to do it again, but it never happened.

The following day, was much the same. I woke up feeling pretty shitty, still no sexual contact at night, but I had to hug him to sleep as always. In the evening we walked around the Sacre Ceour and he made a comment about pissing off the Catholic church, I can't remember the exact one, but I kinda figured that a good way to do that was to kiss him in the church. That didn't really happen, as my attempt was kinda rejected.

At some point the kissing on the Eiffel Tower was mentioned. He said that he thought that was what I wanted. It kinda ruined it, when he told me that, to be honest. I'd definitely felt chemistry that night and it just seemed right. The idea that he did it to please me and not because he wanted to, made it feel wrong, even forced.

There's not much to really say about Paris after that. We eventually tried renting bikes. I'd wanted to do this from the start, but he didn't want to do it. Well, guess what? He loved it and so did I. We both agreed we should have done it on day 1. Brilliant way to see the city and put some real fun into it.

When we got back to my Mum's place after our trip we were pretty tired. We were laying on my bed and for some reason I'd just had enough at this point. I told him exactly how I'd felt. How awful he'd made me feel every single day. How much effort I'd put into the trip and how little he seemed to care. He didn't know what to say, he seemed to understand me though. We were laying on the bed just looking at each other for ages.

I don't know why, but we started to kiss. Perhaps it was a way out of the silence and the staring. It was good, he told me that he didn't like guys using tongue, the first time he'd mentioned it. The kissing was amazing after that. Very sensual. We ended up having sex afterwards. I guess we'd reached a point where we just being frank with each other. The sex was nice, the best we'd had. After we went out for some food and a drive, just for fun. We bought a load of chocolate and ate it in the car and in bed before we went to sleep. It was really nice. Cuddling up with him was great that night.

The following morning, out of the blue, he asked me to come into the shower with him. It was totally unexpected. Of course I did, we soaped each other up, played with each other and kissed lots. After rinsing off and getting dried off we laid on the bed together. We just jerked off side by side, but kissed the whole time we did it.

When I finally dropped him off at the bus station, we said good bye and kissed one last time. Walking back to the car, I felt empty. for the first time in 10 days I was on my own and I missed his presence instantly. No matter how bad he'd made me feel, I'd fallen for him and now I'd only feel worse in his absence.

Psycho

My world only seems to come in roller coaster format. Last night that was the case anyway.

Madison Guy is a cunt. Let's be honest here, because it's really about time I admitted it. I think my problem is that the part of me that likes him, just wants something to work out between us. It really wouldn't take much effort. This evening I'd offered to come visit him and spend one last evening together before he goes. However, I do have a lot to do today and can't meet him as early as he wants. Whatever happens he says that by 8.30pm he has to go and meet 'the boys' what he calls his quite literal, ménage à trois.

My point was that, he's seen these people a lot lately and perhaps they wouldn't mind him taking a night off to see a mate. He said that as he is staying with them, he didn't think it was fair. My comment was something like 'Oh, I'm sorry, I've made no effort with you at all.' The argument progressed rapidly from there. I don't get it at all. We were talking about going on the London Eye and getting something to eat, which if I got there for 7 really wouldn't work out. It got to a point where he wasn't really replying to instant messages, which usually means he's fallen asleep, but tonight I wasn't so sure.

The current status seems to be that I simply won't be seeing him before I go. It's frustrating, but more than that, it's sad. He just doesn't really have any interest in me whatsoever. That's what makes the whole thing so hard to deal with. He says he does, but his actions speak so much louder.

While talking to Madison Guy, my new chat buddy Tanned Guy was telling me what he thought about the situation. His views were very much along the lines of 'he's a cunt', which made me feel better. Tanned Guy is definitely getting back together with his boyfriend. We are going to meet however on Sunday for coffee. I'm nervous of this whole thing, because Tanned Guy is so nice and we seem to get on great. I just hope being friends with him can work, without anything else. I'm not the kind of guy that plays with other people's men and have no intention of changing that. Whatever happens, Tanned Guy cheered me up no end last night so I went to bed with a smile at least.

I'm going for a shower and will continue this is a moment. I just needed to get the Madison Guy stuff off my chest. Brb.


Hmm, I've been doing more than having a shower, mainly trying to find somewhere to live! It's just not happening! Well, I have a couple of places to go visit later. Had a quick chat with Madison Guy on the phone. Neither of us mentioned last nights chat. I told him that today just couldn't happen, too much to do in Oxford this evening, but that I will try and arrange to see him off at the airport Wednesday.

I have to go now and really get sorted out.
My next post will be coming from Oxford, probably in a hotel room :(

Happiness

Ok, to cut a long story short, I was asked to leave the place I was staying in early. I'd paid until Wednesday. I drove to Oxford today, looked at some places that were all no good. Moved my stuff out of the other place and came back to Kent. Total mission.

However, it's good. I've brought a lot of things back home that I really didn't need to take with me anyway and when i go back up to Oxford it will be a much more minimal affair. I feel good that I've done this trip, even if it was a lot of driving. It's been kinda fun and I've really tried to enjoy my own company a lot more.

I turned up the music, something I never do, sung along and forced myself to smile the whole time. It's funny, but after a little while, the forced smile becomes a real one. I was pulling all sorts of faces, exercising my facial muscles and generally being a total knob. It was great! I felt really happy, for no real reason and I liked it. There were points where I just started laughing because I needed to. It's really amazing how such a small thing can change your entire mood. I'm going to try and smile as much as I can from now on, it really changes everything.

Now, if I could just find somewhere to live, then I'm really laughing.