Peter Pan

I haven't blogged in a very long time. Tonight, I just needed to do it.

Things are very different to when I last talked to you guys. I'm not going to go into my current situation right now. For some reason I just need to type tonight. It's been so long, that this may not even get read, but just typing this little bit already seems to make things easier. For a long time, I've dodged this whole growing up thing. I've wanted to stay as I am forever. I guess many people want to do the same thing, but in many ways I have succeeded and in reality, it has not been a good thing.

Now, I'm on the verge of a total change and I'm really scared. I'm not sure I can cope with growing up. Over the next few months I'm going to have to grow up really fast. Failure isn't an option any more. I feel so stressed, so panicked and I'm not sure what to do. I guess I have to get on with it and see what happens.

I have a boy issue too. I'm over analysing it, I know that. Still, I can't help but feel like I'm being taken advantage of in this situation. I'm not sure that being 'cute guy' is good enough. I'm always that, i want to be more than that and in this situation I can't be.

Anyway, it's late and I'm going to bed.
So very tired.

Twitter

Find me on twitter. Blog updates will resume soon, I promise!

http://www.twitter.com/boyreinvented

Event Horizon

A quite update on things happening at the moment:

I joined a new gym yesterday, went today and am getting a program tomorrow. I got some new shorts and tees and I plan to go 5 days a week. I wanna slim right down and tone everything. I'm actually really excited about it, plus they have a steam room, which will be so hot! (Looking only! Although there was a time a while back in Toronto...)

I got a knock back for a job I applied for, they've already found someone, but they asked if I could do some drawings for them from time to time. I said yes of course!

I've really made a lot of effort to sort out this custom computer desk I've been making for my Mac. It's a set of built in shelves my Dad built and I'm slowly converting it into a really nice workstation. I'll show you some photos when I'm done, theres lots of metal and even white LED lights!

I've been less sexually orientated lately. I mean, I deleted all my porn, some of my profiles and I'm really holding out on meeting guys now. I just want to get on with sorting myself out now and I really don't want anything getting in the way.

Tomorrow, after the gym, I'm helping my Mum transplant most of the front garden into the back garden/pots/anywhere really as the whole thing is about to become a drive. It's not that big a space, but it's a mess and even bricking it over will be a vast improvement.

Toronto is on hold until February when they start issuing visas again.

Nothing terribly exciting, but fairly positive things happening at the moment.

Shelter

I was really bad today.

It's been a while since my last post and since then, I've fucked a guy. It was hot, but I shouldn't have done it. The guy in question really isn't my type. Lately, I'm off the rails. I didn't go to work today. I didn't even call in, I just no showed. This is so far from who I used to be.

I've changed. I look at how my life is and things seem so pathetic. I have no interest in working in retail anymore and it doesn't matter to me if I get sacked. I hate my job so much that I just don't want to go back to it. I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to work Sunday, but I'm not sure I'm going to go then either.

I'm planning a move to Toronto. I finally got around to sorting that out today. I can't go until February at the earliest. So i'm stuck here for a while and that's OK. I've applied for a job that I really want and I'm hoping to hear from them ASAP. It's something I could see myself doing until I move.

At the moment I'm back at my Mum's house. Things aren't so bad here. I do way too much stuff with my Mum, but that is to be expected I guess. I'm hoping that things will change. I'm hoping that we will both start to build new independent lives now and then we won't spend as much time together. I know she misses the company of my Dad, but she really can't get too used to me being around as ultimately it will hold us both back.

It's time to get on with life. I deleted my Gaydar today, amongst others. It's time for a new self improvement project. I'm taking my life offline and into the real world for a change.

I can't hide behind a computer forever.
Let's see where things go now.

Beautiful Thing

So things change. It happens all the time. The problem is that sometimes they aren't good changes. Lately, it seems like my life is being made up of bad changes.

I'm in a bad place.

I need to get somewhere better.

It's time for some reinvention. The thing is reinvention doesn't have to be about changing yourself. It can be about bettering yourself and that's the route I need to take. There's a big part of me that just wants to be loved, but I want to be loved by someone who's more than average. So to get the sort of guy I'm looking for, I need to be more than average too.

The blog is back. It's going to take a while to truly get back into blogging and hopefully I will finally migrate to my website.
But please, watch this space, my musings will be appearing once again and I need all the advice I can get!

Changing Lanes

I'm in the middle of doing something and I want to share it with you guys.

In short it's:

www.boyreinvented.com

Switching to Apple has been a big thing for me and I'm trying to embrace the Apple way of doing things. I have a .mac account and it's going to host my blog nd I'm using iWeb to create/update the blog. In fact, I'm planning to create a website for myself rather than just a blog, so this is just the beginning.

It's not really ready yet, but it will be soon.

I'm really excited!

Px

Switch

You may remember that a little while ago I got myself an iPhone. I have had no regrets abouts this so far and would recommend them to anyone. However, I'm now making a bigger bite into the Apple. Tomorrow I'm buying an iMac.

Right now I'm tidying up my laptop and organising my files, clearing my desk and generally tweaking my room layout in preparation for my new arrival. My laptop was 'Vista capable' when I bought it and came with a free Vista upgrade. The problem was to begin with, that's all my laptop was. It would run Vista and it would even run the Aero user interface. The built in microphones, speaker, quick keys and web cam however did not function, or at least functioned badly. Even now I have web cam and quick key issues.

More than that though, Vista frustrates me. I'm a pretty savvy PC user, but in the year that I have had Vista, I can't figure out what is going on with the user interface. It just doesn't seem to work. All the conventions of navigating the system have been changed. Conventions that didn't need to change. I hate navigating through windows explorer because frankly, I liked the old windows explorer. It wasn't perfect, but it certainly didn't need changing.

Little things about Vista bug me. Why did they change display properties? In the old version all the display settings were under one tab. Now you have a html based panel that then opens each tab of the old display properties separately. It's half arsed. If you want to make something html based, do it and make a good job of it. Oh and while you're at it, can you make multiple monitors work under Vista too, because that too is screwed up.

However, tomorrow it won't matter. I'm going to Mac. It's been a long time coming and I'm glad the day is almost here. I spend a lot of time on my computer and I'm looking forward to a nice user friendly computer, that doesn't irritate me the way Vista does. I'm sure it will make things interesting for a while. Learning from scratch is going to be fun though, I'm going to embrace the switch and I might even share some of it with you.

Oh and just to push my Vista point, once I've transferred my files to my Mac, my laptop is getting formatted and I'm reinstalling XP. My days with Vista are numbered.